INSURANCE ANECDOTES
Insurance Agent to Client:
"Understand, I'm not going to scare you, but if you wake up tomorrow, just call me and let me know what you've decided about life insurance.
From a conversation between an employee of the health insurance department and a client:
- ... What else do you have besides teeth and gynecology?...
A priest and an insurance broker are arguing about "which of them people respect more?"
Priest: When I come to people, they say to me:
"Holy Father";
Broker: And when I come, they say to me:
"Oh my God! It's you again?..."
Two friends are sitting in a café, one says to the other:
"You know, I insured my breasts for $100,000!
The second one looked at her:
"So what, have you already received the insurance indemnity?"
The director of the insurance company talks to the client:
- Our experts believe that the amount of your insurance for the house - $110,000 - is somewhat overstated, since it is not worth more than $50,000.
"I don't think so," the client replies, "the house is worth $50,000, and another $50,000 is for a lawyer who will sue you for my insurance."
- Well, why another $10,000?
"It's for the killer for you, in case the lawyer does lose the case," the client replied with a smile.
Teacher: - Children, tell us what your parents do?
Tanya: - My dad works as a driver.
Mashenka: - My dad is a hairdresser.
Vovochka: And my dad plays the piano in a brothel.
Teacher: - Vovochka, let my dad come to school, I want to talk to him.
Dad arrives.
Teacher: - I understand that the time is difficult now, and people have to earn money in different ways, but I don't understand why children should be privy to these details...
Dad: You know, I don't actually play the piano in a brothel. I am a professional insurance broker specializing in retrocession for quota obligators. But how do I explain this to my child?
The citizen appealed to the insurer with a claim for payment of insurance. In his explanation, he wrote that he was injured as a result of a fall from the roof. The insurer refused to pay, explaining that the client was misleading him - after all, he was injured not as a result of a fall from the roof, which he was insured against, but as a result of hitting the ground!
The family is on vacation in the Canary Islands:
- Mommy, can I swim in the sea?
-No way! Look what waves!
"But Daddy's bathing!"
- He can - he is insured for $100,000.
Will he stop a galloping horse? Will he enter a burning hut? Life Insurance - REFUSE!!
The director of an insurance company scolds a young employee for insuring a 108-year-old man against death. To which the employee replies:
- In the "Insurance Manual" it is written that people at this age die extremely rarely!
- Hello, is this an insurance company? Can you insure your right front wheel?
"What about the rest?"
"And the rest was stolen.
Rabinovich complains to a friend:
"All these professional stresses will finish me off. I suffer from migraines, my blood pressure is off the charts, I sleep terribly, I have just been diagnosed with an ulcer. If I don't quit, I'm probably going to have either a stroke or a heart attack.
"What's holding you back?"
- Yes, it is too much for our company to have favorable conditions for medical insurance...
- My friend, insure yourself against an accident! - persuades the insurance agent. - If you break your arm, we will pay you a thousand dollars. If you break your leg, it's five thousand... Well, if you break your neck, you're lucky!
Rabinovich has insured the dacha, received the policy, looks at the agent incredulously:
"Do you mean to say that I will get so much money if my dacha burns down?"
"Yes, but only if you don't set it on fire yourself."
"I knew there was a catch!"
How can I insure my life if I don't have a price?!
From the conversation between the insurance agent and the client when issuing the policy:
- Be careful, do not violate the terms of payment of insurance premiums...
- Yes, I see, I don't have to suck...
I know safety when working on lathes like the three fingers of my hand...
- Some people are lucky...
"What?...
- Take Kolyan - yesterday I just got insurance, and today a brick has already fallen on my head...
British actuary can calculate exactly how many people will die in the next year, and Sicilian can list them by name...
From the explanatory letter of the tourist to the insurer:
- While on vacation in Spain, I froze my internal organ and got cystitis...
- How to Make People Laugh Actuary on Thursday?
- Tell him a joke on Monday...
Insurance agent to the client:
- If your arm is torn off, you will get 1000 dollars, if your leg - 5000 dollars, and if you are killed, then you will become a millionaire...
If Cristiano Ronaldo breaks his leg on Jennifer Lopez's butt, then the total amount of insurance payout will exceed the budget of several African countries combined...
Doctor, I need medication for my insured wife. She has a sharp attack of appendicitis and needs urgent surgery.
- No, you will not receive medication under insurance. Your wife had her appendicitis removed last year. And a person can't get a second appendicitis.
"That's right, Doctor. But a man can have a second wife...
Life insurance specialists have developed a new product - "Insurance against senile senility".
In their opinion, the payouts for this type of insurance will be very small: if the client remembers that he has a policy, this will serve as the best proof of the absence of an insured event.
The broker talks to the client: - when insuring your vehicles,
we can offer Franchise...
- Thank you, we don't do that...
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