One of the most common questions about mentoring is: “Who should make the first move—the mentor or the mentee?” The answer can vary depending on the context, but in most modern mentoring relationships, it is typically the mentee who initiates the connection.

1. Mentee-Led Mentoring: Taking Ownership

In informal or organic mentoring relationships, mentees are usually encouraged to:

• Identify potential mentors whose experience aligns with their goals

• Reach out with a clear request or intention

• Demonstrate initiative and readiness to learn

This approach empowers the mentee to take ownership of their development, making the relationship more purposeful and goal-driven.

A proactive mentee might say:

“I admire your career path and leadership style—would you be open to a mentoring conversation as I explore my next steps?”

This kind of invitation is often welcomed by experienced professionals who are willing to give back, but may not initiate mentorship themselves.

2. Mentor-Initiated Mentoring: Offering Support

That said, mentors sometimes take the lead, especially when:

• They see potential in someone and want to nurture it

• They’re part of a structured mentoring program

• The mentee might be too shy, unsure, or unaware of the opportunity

Mentor-initiated relationships can be especially valuable for underrepresented groups or junior professionals who might lack access or confidence to ask for guidance.

3. Structured Programs: A Middle Ground

In formal mentoring programs, such as those offered in corporations or universities, the initiation process is often guided by:

• Program coordinators, who match mentors and mentees

• Applications or matching algorithms based on goals, skills, and values

• Mutual introductions, where both parties opt in

In these cases, neither party initiates fully independently—the relationship is designed to be collaborative from the beginning.

4. Keys to a Successful Start

Regardless of who initiates, the most important elements are:

• Clarity of purpose: Why this mentoring relationship? What are the goals?

• Mutual respect and readiness: Both mentor and mentee should be open to learning and contributing.

• Consistency and commitment: Setting expectations around communication and meeting frequency.

Initiation is just the first step—sustaining the relationship requires effort from both sides.

Conclusion

While mentors occasionally take the lead, it’s most common—and often most effective—for mentees to initiate mentoring relationships. Doing so demonstrates commitment, clarity, and a growth mindset. That said, mentoring thrives on mutual interest, and the most powerful connections often begin when both parties see value in the journey.