Collection of jokes about accountants and programmers

Start the morning with a humorous pause!

If something looks simple but works, then it's not easy anymore.
A recipe for "working" happiness: point out to the accountant his achievements and your mistakes.
To the director's question "How much is two plus two?" the wise accountant answers: "And we will do as much as we need."
Murphy's Law for Accountants: If the balance sheet doesn't come together right away, then there is an error in it. As a consequence, if the balance is balanced, there are two mistakes.
Wise men and accountants are equally relaxed about money.
A good accountant always owes a budget.
A good accountant should smell like coffee and a computer!
Sometimes a good accountant is expensive, and a bad one is even more expensive.
The company is looking for a new accountant, by the way, and an old one too!
A deranged accountant doesn't realize it.
An accountant is a person who started counting and couldn't stop.
No orgasm can compare to the feeling that an accountant feels when his annual balance sheet is aligned.
Only the one who has been bitten by another chief accountant can become a chief accountant.
The tax police always come to the rescue.
Being an accountant is not only about sitting in front of a computer, but also about being a creative person and manipulating reality.
A real accountant doesn't eat, but balances nutrients.
An accountant on the phone: "You're talking from the point of view of common sense, not the tax code."
I'm an accountant, and I don't want to decide anything. I want the reports to be submitted by themselves.
Our accountant has perfect hearing. She can even hear the money coming into her checking account.
For normal people, the year is divided into seasons, while for accountants, it is divided into quarters.
At the time of reporting, the accounting department is the king of the entire company. And the rest of the time is a workhorse.
What does it mean to be an accountant when you turn millions, while remaining calm about money?
You can't just give out money from the cash register.
Our freedom is the ability to choose: either taxes or fines.
According to statistics, 10 out of 9 accountants do not know how to count.
To fall asleep, the accountant began to count the money in the current account.
The director of the Vaseline plant once again eluded the tax authorities.
There was such silence in the office that you could hear the salary coming in on the plastic cards.
An accountant is a person who knows more about money than those who have it.
I need strong emotions. I'll go and read the annual report.
Statistics know everything that the accounting department finds necessary to report.
For some, vacation and work differ in what computer they work on.

I love weekends... You can get to work quickly and without traffic jams.
At the dealership:
— I would like to buy a car from you.
"A model?"
"No, accountant. But thank you for the compliment.
In accounting, it is difficult only for the first 5 years. Then you'll either go into a madhouse, or you'll get used to it.
Unnerving accounting is bad for your paycheck.
Eternity consists of accounting periods.
And we have a living paradox in our office – an accountant/system administrator. No one understands him at all.
A couple of missed payments and you'll soon realize how much you need it. Plus, you will learn about your qualities, but this is not certain.
An announcement on the door of the accounting office: "Lost suitcase with money. At least get your money back!"
No matter how much you reduce the accountant's work, he will still submit reports on the last day.
There's no joke that the accounting department can't turn into a memo.
Don't rush to throw away your old registers and reports! Throw them away slowly, with pleasure...
If you think it's bad, take a calculator and recalculate again.
The unprecedented thickness of the report protects against the danger of being read.
If a person has red eyes, trembling hands, and inadequate speech, it is not necessary that he is a drug addict. Accountants, after a few days of submitting ready-made reports, look exactly the same
"Well, how are you doing at work?" "And don't ask. The boss comes up with something and wants us to work for the three of us. It's a good thing there are five of us.
A programmer's morning begins not with coffee, but in the evening.
Code is a very tricky subject, it may or may not work. The code doesn't work, and we don't know why. The code works, and we don't understand the "why."
British scientists have found that people from IT departments have the most developed muscles responsible for shrugging their shoulders.
An experienced developer will always look left and right, even if crossing a one-way street.

In a fairy tale for programmers, piglets are saved in a house made of sticks and everything that comes to hand. At the same time, they repair their hut faster than a wolf breaks it.